Si Sola Mente; If Only...

          From past generations on and on my family has descended from Puerto Rico. From what I know, my greatest grandparents down to both of my own grandparents on both sides of my family were raised and lived in Puerto Rico. All my family, up to my own parents, are fluent in speaking Spanish... except for my generation. If I could change one thing in my life that has previously happened it would be: that I would have been taught to speak fluent Spanish. It was never exactly in the power of my hands to decide to be taught Spanish (which I can not understand WHY I was not) but, if I had the opportunity to go back and tell my mama to teach me when I was young I would!
          The reasons I wish I could change the fact that I was not taught Spanish so that I could have been is because it would erase all the "funny" jokes and teases of me "not really being Puertorican" and other rued comments I rather not state, which happen to be some of my biggest pet peeves. But more importantly, it would have saved me from a lot of embarrassing moments, and would have let me gain relationships that now I can never have... 
          Because of my inability to communicate (at all or well) with my grandparents has taken away the chances of having a good relationship together because all they know is Spanish, and now, I have completely lost the opportunity for three out of my four grandparents because two have passed away in these last four or five years and just this Wed. October 17, 2012 I found out my abuelo will be passing away any day now too...</3...
          I know for a fact that if I knew fluent Spanish it would have radically changed and would still be changing my life, my family/friends lives around me now, and possibly different nations if I would do something in the future with it. I know I can learn Spanish now, which I am taking the classes, but it is just not the same. I find myself sitting back and thinking how much easier it could have been if my parents would have just taught me. And, how different I would be, different I would feel because of it... It may sound silly, and not that big of a deal to many but for me it would mean so much. I love all my abuelas and abuelos and would have killed to be able to have talked and grew in relationship with them while I had a chance. I know it was not intentional by my parents for it to be this way, and for me to feel like I do; I know I could have tried harder to understand and still communicate but it is true you do not realized what you got until it is gone. It really does suck, I wish I could have done so many things differently but there is nothing I can do about it now, we can not change the past... and I think that is what hurts the most. 
They say time flies by so fast, but it is not the good experiences that are gone that make you sad, but realizing what time has passed and all you have not experienced that really gets you...
 R.I.P. ~ mi familia~  te amo mucho.<3